Once upon a time, there wa' a young lad who thought it would be cool to do badly in school. One day, after getting a particularly bad report card, 'is da sat down with the lad and had a long talk. 'Is da said 'e was very sorry, but the boy was obviously an idiot. 'Is da said, "We canna waste na more time on you. We are going to adopt a baby, probably some foreign kid, anyone but you." "But what of me, Da?" asked the little boy. "We have sold you to the university," sadly replied the da. "They will perform obscene experiments on you, but at least it will be for the betterment of all mankind. An'" 'e continued, "we won't be wasting any more time or money on a wretch like you. Now get inta the cage, the university students will be 'ere in a couple o' minutes."

Now git t' bed, and don ferget t' do yer 'omework.